Business Time

Ah...I think you know what time it is...it's monkey business time...

In addition to stealing their crops, the monkeys also make sexually explicit gestures at the women, they claim.

"The monkeys grab their breasts, and gesture at us while pointing at their private parts. We are afraid that they will sexually harass us," said Mrs Njeri.

God Introduces New Low Emissions Moose

Pearly Gates, Heaven [TSA] - The Lord Almighty debuted his latest effort to combat global warming, an environmentally friendly low methane moose. The new moose addresses growing concerns over the 2,100 Kilos of carbon dioxide that a normal moose releases annually into the atmosphere.

"M85 Moose emits about 90% less farts and belches than your standard North Siberian moose," God said during a morning press conference, "I consider this the next logical step in the meese evolution. Or is it mooses? I can never remember."

While many heralded the M85 moose, various environmental groups like Greenpeace denounced the Heavenly Deity for not doing enough.

"Bovine flatulence, which harms the Earth's ozone at a much higher rate than a moose, was completely disregarded," Tre Huger, spokesman for the Norway chapter of Greenpeace, said, "Until Yahweh focuses on curbing cow gas, his claims of becoming a more "green" God come off as just a bunch of hot air."